The Band's adventures!: October 2011

And then there were two….

We’re on our honeymoon, so it goes without saying that we like to spend time alone together but after two months on the road we were looking forward to some group dynamics. We thought we’d be in a group of six to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, but as our previous blog said it was just the two of us, a guide and an army of porters.

Walk to the ensuite

So we pinned our hopes on a seven-day camping safari in Tanzania that included the Serengeti, Ngorongoro crater and a few lesser known parks. Excited to meet our new friends, we were picked up by our safari guide Mike and our cook Bashiri, to find that yet again it was just us…. we really need to buy a pack of cards!

Over the next seven days we came to love our portly crew, who lacked the professionalism of some of the other tours, but more than made up for it with the vast quantities of food they lavished on us - “small food small tip” they told us. Which in time would turn out to be a curse with our ever expanding appetites and a total lack of exercise, aside finding the campsite toilets in the middle of the night (walking in lion and hyena areas is not advisable) leading to a larger couple.

Our safari crew and our ageing safari car!

Returning from our first game drive we discovered we weren’t just alone on our tour, but alone in a campground designed for hundreds of tents. Well not entirely alone, Bashiri and Mike had a tent each not far from our tent. As well as the tents, Bashiri had set up a lovely table for dinner. It seemed it was destined to be just the two of us for dinner again…. until we noticed the third setting and quickly learnt

that Mike with his very limited English and somewhat boring demeanour would be joining us for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next seven days. At most this gave us a few meals worth of conversation, but we often had to just chat to each other with Mike gazing on blankly.

A madman with a gun and a trip to the cop shop

Well not exactly in that order, but day two of our seven-day safari didn’t disappoint to deliver the unusual experiences we have come to expect.

You have no licence. Drive me to the police station

First up we were rattling along with Mike and Bashiri blatantly talking about us in Swahili in the front and us perched up on our comfy safari chairs, that resembled cinema chairs when we were stopped by a police roadblock. Nothing unusual there, generally you are stopped every hour or so and the customary bribe is agreed with a walk around the rear of the car by the driver and policeman. Being a road cop is a very lucrative job but not very honourable and many people do it for a few years and then set up a business with the takings. So thinking nothing of Mike going around the back of the car we continued chatting to Bashiri about a local village where the chief has 30 wives (polygamy is slowly being phased out in Uganda generally but this chief was obviously quite the stud). When to our surprise the policeman came to Bashiri’s door, muttered something and then proceeded to climb in and force Bashiri to sit on the centre gear stick. Mike lumbered back in and we did a U-turn, while Duncan and I kept quite in the back wondering what the hell was going on. 45 minutes of backtracking later we were at the police station parked in an area of impounded cars, with an overwhelming smell of urine and a pack of tough street kids who taunted us locked up in the car. Another 45 minutes and a sheepish Mike returned and we were on our way again, with Duncan cursing the street kids on the way out. From what we can gather he didn’t have the necessary paper work and refused to pay the bribe, which kind of annoyed us because we would have been happy to pay the small amount to save the 3 hour detour.

Never mind off we rattled to the only game park where you can do a walking safari. We met our guide in his green military style uniform carrying his shotgun and wandered off into the wilderness. He couldn’t wait to tell us “the animals can smell my gun. They are afraid when they see my gun”. To which we inquired how many times he’d had to fire his weapon in the three years he’d been there, “four times, all water buffalo. They are aggressive”.

So a little while later while he was encouraging us to jump over a stream and get closer to the buffalo “to make real nice photo” we both silently wondered if this guy was just trying to bait the buffalo to charge us so that he could shoot one. Despite continued talk of “the smell of my gun” we managed to get out of there without being charged or witnessing a poacher disguised as a ranger in action.

Reception at one of our campsites

One man’s luxury is another mans budget

Over the course of the week we saw many other groups and how their guides and cooks operated and realised we really had the budget tour. We had a tent that was designed for a kids sleep over in the backyard, rather than the wild storms we endured. A Landcruiser that rattled more than cruised, but was impressive for it’s 25 years. Plus it’s 50% cruising pace compared to the newer models that continually left us with a face full of dust, gave us a better opportunity to spot wildlife, or so we told ourselves! The slow pace also meant we were quite comfortable not only popping our heads out of the pop-top roof, but for one full day ended up sitting completely on the roof until some rangers spotted us and politely told us to get back in the vehicle. It wasn’t until Bashiri was in the car a few days later and we climbed back on the roof that he told us the fine was $200. It seems tour leader Mike is too timid to reveal such useful facts.

Dinner for two in a prison mess-hall

The food was also awesome compared to the local meals we’d been sharing and plentiful, which we now regret with our fuller figures….3rds should just not be an option for people with no self control. It did seem to reduce in quality over the course of the week though and care with setting the table from the first night was pretty well non-existent by the end of the week, as was setting up the tents. By night five we were delegated to not only set up our tent, but also Mike and Bashiri’s tent. Pip was also nominated as the group mule, being handed Bashiris bags while struggling with her own, for Mike to then kindly throw his jacket over her head to carry to the car. He later wondered over with just one small plastic bag.

Hauling the illegal charcoal onto the roof.

The decline in customer service ended with an hour detour on our way back for both men to pick up a huge bag of coal for much cheaper than they could get in Arusha, which we are pretty sure wasn’t part of the tour but was worth it for the look of strain on our portly crews faces trying to heave the bags on the roof.

Breakfast for two!

Despite a few short fallings though we liked our safari gang and had an awesome time driving around and seeing all of the Big 5, even if the rhino was from quite a distance (it could have been a water buffalo, we were unsure because only one lens of our binoculours focussed). Finding a rhino up close had Mike in a near panic on the last day, with Bashiri obviously in his ear about us not seeing all big 5 up close on top of the run in with the law and the impact it might have on their tip.

The offending spider bites, other related pictures
are censored.

Is that a third testicle?

At the beginning of our trip when Pip burnt her oesophagus on malaria medication and had a few other ailments, Duncan would jokingly declare “there is always something wrong with you”. How times have changed.

After some severe altitude sickness and an upset tummy, Duncan found three mysterious bites on his knee that after a few days began to produce puss. After three days of squeezing the puss out, he then had a soar groin. Later that night Duncan announced with a look of concern that “he’d developed a third testicle and felt pretty ordinary”. After some discussion and investigation into the antibiotics and medicine we had we decided that a course of basic antibiotics couldn’t hurt and would hopefully clear up the swollen gland in his groin from what Duncan was now calling a spider bite. The next day Duncan slept all day on our drive between parks and had no energy, so Pip with the help of Africa’s amazing 3G coverage began some self-diagnosis on the internet. Luckily a deadly spider bite in Tanzania is pretty unlikely and given it was day 3 of the mystery illness we figured he would live. In fact once the swelling went down on the knee but remained in the other area he was happier than a dog with two dicks.

Tough living for the Masai people

Masai children with herd of goats chasing some
food from passing safari vehicles

Driving between Ngorongoro Crater and Tanzania’s premier national park, the Serengeti are two conservation areas with the same names. The traditional Masai people are allowed to live in the conservation areas as long as they live in their traditional way, meaning they can only graze cattle, have no amenities or vegetables or fruit. Their diet consists of meat from the cow, milk from the cow and warm blood from the cow. Needless to say Masai people who live outside of the conservation area have got wind of grains, vegetables and modern medicine and have began to introduce these into their culture.

On one side it is sad to see a culture being lost, but driving through the Serengeti refuge it was devastating to see scrawny kids in the traditional outfits putting out their hands to the passing line of safari trucks with rich westerners inside. The landscape between the national parks was simply devastating, with the worst drought you can imagine and constant dust storms across the flat, baron landscape.

Our friends Seb and Tarni who we caught up with in Uganda are off to live with the Masai for a week as part of Seb’s 100 Things campaign… we wish them luck with getting a taste for warm blood!

More to come…

After a long time of dinners for two we’ve spent the last week in Uganda with our friends Seb and Tarni working at an orphanage. As a result our blogs have dropped even further behind schedule, but we are alone again for another week before we meet up with them for safari in the Masai Mara so we hope to find the energy to update you on our adventures in Uganda, including Fort Portal where we attended a local church opening and Duncan co-wrote a new gospel hit as well as our week volunteering at an amazing orphanage in Jinjer, white water rafting and the festival that was Pip’s birthday and subsequent luck in being upgraded to an amazing villa on the Nile.

So stay tuned for another blog in the next few days!

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